Grecian Temples
by George Bilgere Because I'm getting pretty gray at the temples, which negatively impacts my earning potential and does not necessarily attract vibrant young women with their perfumed bosoms to dally with me on the green hillside, I go out and buy some Grecian Hair Formula. And after the whole process, which involves rubber gloves, a tiny chemistry set, and perfect timing, I look great. I look very fresh and virile, full of earning potential. But when I take my fifteen-year-old beagle out for his evening walk, the contrast is unfortunate. Next to me he doesn't look all that great, with his graying snout, his sort of faded, worn-out-dog look. It makes me feel old, walking around with a dog like that. It's not something a potential employer, much less a vibrant young woman with a perfumed bosom would necessarily go for. So I go out and get some more Grecian Hair Formula— Light Brown, my beagle's original color. And after all the rigmarole he looks terrific. I mean, he...