The Return of Odysseus
by George Bilgere When Odysseus finally does get home he is understandably upset about the suitors, who have been mooching off his wife for twenty years, drinking his wine, eating his mutton, etc. In a similar situation today he would seek legal counsel. But those were different times. With the help of his son Telemachus he slaughters roughly one hundred and ten suitors and quite a number of young ladies, although in view of their behavior I use the term loosely. Rivers of blood course across the palace floor. I too have come home in a bad mood. Yesterday, for instance, after the department meeting, when I ended up losing my choice parking spot behind the library to the new provost. I slammed the door. I threw down my book bag in this particular way I have perfected over the years that lets my wife understand the contempt I have for my enemies, which is prodigious. And then with great skill she built a gin and tonic that would have pleased the very gods, and with epic patience she list...

Love it! Best advice I have had all week!
ReplyDeleteWords of wisdom, unless you are a plumber who likes to pretend.
ReplyDeleteLove it! I'm going to post this one on my bathroom mirror.
ReplyDeleteWell, that made me smile!
ReplyDeleteRoger that, Lady Guinevere!
ReplyDeleteGood thing you got this up today because I was just on my way to the bathroom and the temptation is always there, staring up from the floor, to the left to the toilet.
Merci infiniement,
I agree, but tiaras are so last season. What is one to do?
ReplyDelete*laughing at all the comments*
ReplyDeleteI nominated you dear girl - I hope you don't mind!
http://365to42.blogspot.com/2009/07/free-competition-30-prize.html
Hilarious...
ReplyDeleteI suppose the sequel might be something like (?) :
Never pretend
To be an ostrich
By sticking your head in the toilet
(sorry!)
Why not?
ReplyDeleteWonderful! And great ripostes as well.
ReplyDeleteInteresting advice. I'd never thought of this before.
ReplyDeleteI've heard it said that boys cannot resist putting something with a suction cup on their forehead. So far, I find that true.
ReplyDeleteOh, if only someone had told me this years ago!
ReplyDeleteLove this!... A friend of mine's brother was once showing off in the milking parlour, he stuck one of the milking cups on his chin.... we had to go turn the machine off...lol!
ReplyDeleteIt reminded me of that, could be a farmers poem to young farmers; "Never pretend to be a cow's pap by sticking a suction cup to your chin"..