Sunday, March 29, 2009

I'm Telling You, I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Excerpt from; Pride and Prujudice and Zombies
by Seth Grahame-Smith




As Mr. Darcy walked off, Elizabeth felt her blood turn cold. She had never in her life been so insulted. The warrior code demanded she avenge her honour. Elizabeth reached down to her ankle, taking care not to draw attention. There, her hand met the dagger concealed beneath her dress. She meant to follow this proud Mr. Darcy outside and open his throat.

But no sooner had she grabbed the handle of her weapon than a chorus of screams filled the assembly hall, immediately joined by the shattering of window panes. Unmentionables poured in, their movements clumsy yet swift; their burial clothing in a range of untidiness. Some wore gowns so tattered as to render them scandalous; other wore suits so filthy that one would assume they were assembled from little more than dirt and dried blood. Their flesh was in varying degrees of putrefaction; the freshly stricken were slightly green and pliant, whereas the longer dead were grey and brittle – their eyes and tongues long since turned to dust, and their lips pulled back into everlasting skeletal smiles.

A few of the guests, who had the misfortune of being too near the windows, were seized and feasted on at once. When Elizabeth stood, she saw Mrs. Long struggle to free herself as two female dreadfuls bit into her head, cracking her skull like a walnut, and sending a shower of dark blood spouting as high as the chandeliers.

21 comments:

  1. hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!......... brilliant!...

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  2. My only question...why didn't we think of this first??

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  3. I can't believe it! My youngest just called to tell me about this book this week! Weird, huh?

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  4. Wow..interesting...this is actually a book? I may go try and find it at the local bookstore!

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  5. Haha if only we'd had this version at school!

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  6. I have a friend who posted this same thing last month - it's just hilarious!

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  7. This book actually got rave reviews. I'm on a long reserve list at the library.

    Love the cover art.

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  8. sounds like something that could be happily applied to Hamlet....alas, poor Yorick...no, wait a moment...

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  9. I'll have to send this to #1 daughter who is a P and P fan.

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  10. The descriptions would match many I cared for in my ICU days. Gee how I miss them.

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  11. I do not think I could write gore so artfully.

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  12. I've got my copy, and so far it's full of awesome! I wonder if we can expect any similar adaptations of other classic novels. Personally, I'm waiting for the zombie version of Moby Dick.

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  13. Why, I'm I'm I'm speechle.....

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  14. its only a distortion of a classic novel

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  15. Thank you for the pointer! It sounds like a very interesting and audaciously entertaining read, my kinda book. Mr Darcy and monsters, what a cool combo... Grazie!

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  16. I love this! I think I'll do the same thing with Hamlet for my screenplay! Imagine Ophelia coming back moaning "Hey nonny nonny" as she takes a bite from Hamlet's arm. Amazing.

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  17. Hilarious. I heard about this on NPR. My sons insist that this is the only way they would ever be interested in Jane Austen...

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  18. Remind me not to eat the lasagna tonight!
    Holy Cow!

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  19. Baby! Just a quick note to let you know that the LA Times did a front page CALENDAR article about this book and it sounds pretty clever! You were ahead of the curve, my dear.

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Hey, thanks for your thoughts and your time:>)